Q&A: Sibling relationships and homeschooling

by Crystal Paine

Did you and all your siblings get along well growing up? How did your mom teach the older ones with little ones around? I hope to homeschool one day but I also would like more children....I know it's possible to do b/c so many do it....it's just overwhelming for me to think about. =) -Anonymous

Thanks for your questions, Anonymous! One thing my parents always wanted for their seven children was that we would have close relationships. Their desire was that not only growing up, but also into adulthood, we would be close friends. They helped foster this by keeping our home very family-centered. They did this in many practical ways. Just a few that come to mind:

-When we built our home about 12 years ago, they planned for the bedrooms to be small and the central parts of the home to be larger - the family room, kitchen, and dining room are the largest in the home and this helps encourage family togetherness. They put lots of seating space in the living room so that everyone could sit around and converse comfortably. They also bought a table that seats 14 so that we could all easily sit around and talk during and after meals. In addition, they always had us share a bedroom with at least one other sibling so that we learned early on to get along and share our space and yield to the rights of others.

-They planned family activities and rarely did we all go off in our separate directions. If it wasn't something the whole family could do together, we often didn't do it. There were exceptions to this rule, but by and large, what we did, we did together. They had all of us take music lessons so that we could learn to blend our instruments in harmony together. Their investment in this has paid off tremendously as we have spent hours upon hours playing and singing together at home and in many other venues where we were asked to play.

-They encouraged us to minister together as a family by providing many opportunities for us to practice hospitality, visit the elderly, take meals to the needy, help the poor, and so on.

-They gave us ample opportunity and encouragement to have fun as a family - from picnics at the park, family field trips, family vacations, family game nights, sleeping out on cots under the stars, family bike rides, and on and on the list goes.

By encouraging us to learn to enjoy one another's company from an early age, we grew up liking to be together as a family. No, we weren't perfect and we definitely still had arguments and disagreements as youngsters, but the older we got, the closer we got. Next to my husband and daughter, my parents and brothers and sisters are still my best friends and I hope they always are!

The second question about how my mom taught the older ones with younger ones around goes hand-in-hand with the above subject. My mom has always been a very organized and disciplined person. There is no way she could accomplish everything she does if she were not. For as long as I can remember, we always had a schedule and she was very good about helping us stick to it. The schedule changed each semester but one thing was always there from the time we were old enough - she helped the older children build relationships with the younger children by having us take a 15-30 minute time slot each day to spend teaching/working with them. This was definitely her "secret" to being able to have quality one-on-one time with each child. By having the three older children spend 15-30 minutes each with two of the younger children, she was able to devote that time to working individually with the other children.

You might think that this would only work if you had children who were older, say 10 or older. Actually no, she had us start working with our younger siblings as soon as possible. By the time we were five or six, we were able to have an assigned project to do each day with a younger child. It might have only been for 15 minutes, but it was a start.

Another thing that my mom did was to have the younger children participate in our together schooling times - it was always amazing to see how much they could pick up just by sitting at their desk and coloring and listening in or by playing on the floor with blocks. My youngest brother got to skip lots of basic kindergarten and first and second grade stuff because he already knew it just by a few years of sitting in and listening to us older children!

Hang in there, Anonymous, and don't be overwhelmed with the future! Remember that God only gives you grace for today. When you get to that point, He can give you extra grace and creativity. In the mean time, train the younger children you have well so that if you have a larger family someday, they are prepared to be a great contribution to your home.